My mother was 98 when she died, almost 99. I was 57. She died two months ago. My mother was 41 years older than I am and I'm 40 years older than my daughte. My and mother had two older sons. And I have two older sons. Our families mimic each other a lot.
I worked hard at making sure my family did not pass on to my daughter the same conflicts I had with my brothers. And indeed I did not. My daughter is very able to take care of herself and to stand up to her older brothers and her brothers genuinely like her.
But now I am the one who's out in the cold. I feel so distant from her, it breaks my heart. I am in such pain over this. I am told that she will grow out of this and we will be close again. But I doubt it. We will never live together again when she goes off to college. When we have the chance to become close?
In some ways, I waited my whole life for my mother to die. She looked older, she had white hair she had a neck that wrinkled. Now my neck is starting to sag. I've worked hard all my life to try to make myself be young for my daughter because I knew what it was like to have an older mom. I'm not sure I've succeeded I've had Parkinson's diseas since my daughter was five years old. And I have osteoporosis. My daughter is very athletic and I was not. Although I was a good skier, she's only been skiing with me once since she was a teenager. She didn't like it.
My daughter likes clothes, makeup and hair. I like books, reading, and science.For a while we were very close. A couple of years ago she told me everything. I guess I did something wrong because she tells me nothing now. She talks to her father, and that's good. Just as I'm closer to the boys, I guess it's good that he's closer to her. But I never tried to be a male role model to my sons. They went camping with their father.
I guess I don't know how to have fun. With my mother I had always done projects. She worked hard and I worked hard along with her. That was our sort of fun. That's not what my kids enjoy. So I do all the projects around the house. I rearrange the furniture. I paint the walls. I fix the plumbing.
But it's not enough. I don't cook well enough. I don't clean well enough. I don't dress well enough. We just don't seem to have much in common.